A 2AM letter to Lucy

~warning- this is the ramblings of sleep deprived mom who is using the computer to distract her and to pass the time- probably doesn't make great reading~

Day 2 of "get lucy to go to sleep in her crib and stay in her crib" project. Day one included 20 minutes of crying at bedtime- 5 wakeups between 7-midnight and mom giving in at midnight due to total exhaustion.
Tonight included only 5 minutes of crying at bedtime- but you fell asleep sitting up in your crib- pretty cute actually. And i don't remember the rest of the night- but I woke up in the chair at 1am holding you- so obviously it didn't go as planned. 1:45 Dad took Rory downstairs for a slumber party leaving me and you to battle this out. 2:43am- all is quiet. 2:47 more crying.

Dear Lucy,
I thought that i should write to you tonight because somehow i don't remember having this sleep problem with rory and so maybe, god willing, i will forget this someday too. Here is what i know. I know you want to sleep in my bed. I don't blame you- it is WAY better then your crib, however you can't have a cozy down comforter of your own until you get older, so cozy minky blankets will have to do. I know you want to sleep with me. I don't blame you, i am super cuddly! You are also my daughter which means you will prefer to sleep snuggled with your feet tucked under someone (anyone really) for the rest of your life. I know that i am sorry. I HATE to hear you cry. If it were just you and me, I would let you sleep in my arms until you were 20 if you wanted- but it's not and I can't. I promise i will pay for therapy to correct any deep seeded abandonment issues i am creating tonight. (okay- that was totally my projecting- sorry) . I know that you can do this. everyone learns to sleep eventually, the sooner the better kiddo. I know that I can do this. you are round 2 so you don't get to prey on my vulnerabilities like your sister did. I know that I will survive this, that we will all eventually sleep 6, 8, maybe 10 hours at one time.(that seems like crazy talk at this point- but I am pulling an Oprah and just putting it out there. my vision board would just have a big pillow on it. and maybe a really long shower. but I digress...)I know that I get to win- because I am the mom and I have something you don't- caffiene. Props to you for the short intervals of quiet- that is brilliant. You must know that will wear me down much faster then just constant crying. I know that I love you very much. I have been playing my "instant vs. long term gratification" lecture (yes, mommy used to do things like give lectures!) in my head all night. I would never let you feel any sort of discomfort if i didn't know that it was for your greater good. I know that the persistance, determination, strong will, and dedication you are showing tonight will serve you so well in your life. I just hope next time we get to play on the same team! I love you, goodnight. ~Mom
3:05 all's quiet....for now.